mediation and family counseling is more now days in between wife and husband for their reunion

As I mentioned previously, a mediator can be your pastor or a counselor. These professionals are helpful if you are trying to preserve your marriage. However, to mediate a couple’s divorce, you want a someone trained for marital disputes and their training has to meet certain criteria. In Texas, mediators have very specific training in basic and advanced mediation and they should have the certificates to prove it. Many are lawyers but that is not a requirement. They may be a pastor, for example, although many pastors won’t mediate divorces for personal reasons. Some mediators may have graduate degrees in conflict resolution. Abilene Christian University (Abilene, TX) and Pepperdine University are well known schools that train mediators. (Full disclosure, I will earn my M.A. in Conflict Resolution from ACU in fall 2013.)

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There are different styles of mediation. Facilitative mediators are focused on the process, for example, and do not offer an opinion on the parties’ proposed settlement. An evaluative mediator will likely tell you whether they think your proposed agreement is effective. Both types of mediators can be effective but it might be helpful to understand the mediator’s style before you choose one. There are also transformative mediators who focus on communication styles, which may be useful if you will be co-parenting (what used to be described as custody-sharing). In every case, the mediator’s objective is two fold: 1) to open up communications and 2) to ensure informed decision-making that leads to a mutually agreeable solution.

Opening up communications is one of the things for which mediators are trained. It sounds easy but mixing important issues with emotions (like fear, anger and hurt) can make it hard for the parties (that would be you and your spouse) to sometimes find practical solutions. The mediator’s training helps them guide you through the difficult parts, keeping you from getting stalled.

Informed decision-making is one of those terms that are important in mediation. The mediator guides you to become informed so that you and your spouse can make the decisions. The mediator’s goal is to ensure you believe you are informed, particularly if the mediator’s style is facilitation.